The rain

The rain... It feeds you the rawest emotions
Straight, no chaser
Can't handle the pressure, shit is rising like vapors
can't stand the rain beating against my window pane waiting for sunshine again
tell me weather man, when will this end?
The rain and tears flowing as one
Becoming synonymous, forming a bond
The clouds as grey as my heart
You really can't tell the two apart
When shall we again see sunny skies?
Are these really and truly the days of our lives?
Bills, house, husband, child, cat, violence around town
So many things on my mind, stessin, feelin bogged down
I need a release, but see none in sight
Trying to be a strong woman with all my might
But having to deal with all this shit ain't right
I close my eyes and turn my attention on the Lord
Asking Him to reveal the answers and attack my problems with His almighty sword

thin line

there's a thin line between love and hate

the side u choose to be on decides your fate

you wonder if you should love the ones you hate and hate the ones you love so deep

no matter what you decide, to someone, you are always the creep

you risk it all for those you love because you love hard, a fighter til the end

and in the end there you are, left feeling as cheap as an infomercial on late night CNN

the person you loved soo dearly quickly becomes the person you despise

because they suddenly unfolded right before your eyes

your hurt, your heart bruised and battered

while they act as if shit between you never really mattered

you are left to pick up the pieces and get your life back

it's a lonely road getting it on track

these tears

these tears i cry sure won't b the last
as i continue to strive for more and put my best foot forward
i keep getting haunted by the past.
i thought for sure that those negative emotions would pass
like sands in an hourglass
guess i was wrong afterall
saw the rise but never anticipated the fall
i took the dive and answered the call
but maybe it wasn't for me
only more time will truly tell
what is to become of this latest spell
i wonder if u will b able to notice that i fell
it will surely b part of the story i tell
without the testimony, you can't appreciate the struggle or understand why in the midst of the storm, shit is goin so well
my days may not always b swell
but it is better than some folks definition of hell

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Jibberish

Rotating around like the sun around the Earth. 
Living life day to day trying to figure out what it's really worth. 
Good times, bad times, and we've lived through them all.
 All standing out like cracks in the wall. 
Like a road winding down, you wonder where it will end. 
You wonder who will be around, if you'll even have a friend. 
You sit by the window watching the birds fly by. 
While you roll a Dutch Master, about to get high.
The sky looks about three shades of blue, and so does your heart. 
If you put it in comparison with the sky, no one would tell either apart. 
As you continue to gaze, the clouds begin to turn gray.
Like those areas in your life that you wish would just go the fuck away....

*THROWBACK EDITION* I AM ME...PHENOMENALLY

It's funny to me how people think that the things they have in their life makes them better than anybody else under God's light. But if you were to dissect them like a science project, you would realize that they are hiding behind those material things and that just aint right. You run across people that chant everyday about how they are blessed and such a Godly soul. But if you listened to the things coming out of their mouth, you would look at them and wonder how someone with God in their heart is so cold. You have snobby people in this world that seem to believe that because of what they have accomplished, they should be worshiped. But little do they know, no one is paying attention to their bullshit. There are females in this world that seem to think that they are God's gift to men. But if you ask them about the last time they had a man, they couldn't tell you when. Some females (as you see I cant call them women) cant seem to grasp the idea when a man no longer wants to be a part of their life. They begin to act out in jealousy and fear, begging him to keep her as his friend instead of gaining a wife.

I have a certain friend in my life that doesn't choose his friends wisely sometimes. Some may say he chooses then for the material things they posses or for what they can do for him. Most of them are cool and their aura is so genuine. But there is this one that is different from all the others he surrounds himself with. This 1 thinks she is a better person than me....just cuz she has a college degree. She doesn't understand the real fundamentals of a woman and how we operate, either because she is still finding out what it means to be a real woman herself, or because she just chooses to be a lost little girl among the living. This 1 assumes that I have some sort of vendetta against her. Not realizing that the guilty ones will always make themselves obvious. This 1 has done just that. She believes that she can use him  to her advantage and that her sinister plans will soon prevail. This 1 seems to have it in her head that I have self esteem issues and I am insecure because of the feelings I have had for my friend for almost 8 years, but if you took a look at her, you would see that she has features only her mother or a man that wants her money would love. On one hand you would say, why be mad? My thoughts are like this, it is a shame that someone that spent money on a college education can be so ignorant. So why does he continue to befriend her you ask? That you would have to ask him. Maybe he feels that she provides him with something that I don't.  Who knows. But yet it is me that he has pledged his love to. Misery seems to always love company and I guess that this is something that my friend seems to strive for. What he doesn't seem to understand  is that this female that he feels he knows so much about doesn't want him to be happy with any other woman in his life but her. He is oblivious to the fact that she has said things and done things to try to come between us. She would love for me to pack my things and go about my business. And she is real close to getting her wish. See, what my friend doesn't understand is that I have goals and aspirations that are bigger than him and the ignorance she posses. It's hard to try building a life with someone when they have both positive and negative influences that they are bringing to the table. So why exit and let her get the upper hand, you ask? Because too many times females take women out of their character and these women find themselves behind prison walls. I know how the story goes. My own fam has been there. I am determined to not go that route. But at the same time, this 1 chooses to test me. The fate of my future is more important to me than any man I love or any family I wish to have with him. If he wants to have people like that in his life, that is fine. I cannot stop him. But what I can and choose to stop is getting myself caught up in situations with this 1 that is going to hinder the possibilities for all the blessings God has yet to bestow upon me. I have so many positive things to look forward to in this lifetime before the next. Why let someone that he has in his life take that away from me? So as she has stated, he will try to mold me into a clone of her. But I am something that she will never be.A real woman. I am me.... phenomenally.

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

*THROWBACK EDITION* -BONUS READ- BLACK HISSSTRY

We remember the marches and boycotts of the 60's and how our ancestors fought for our rights as individuals. 
We wish black history was embedded in the minds of today's urban youth.
We often forget about the struggles of the past, which as a result leads to failure of the present due to no sense of a cultured path. 
We ask for forgiveness from the leaders of the past, as we strive for another black unity that will last. 
You said you would give us equality, but you never gave. 
You wanted us to "go back to Africa" so why did you bring us here and make us your slave? 
You tried to tighten our shackles, but we took them off. 
You failed to see our true potential, but we did and now we are better off.