Over it and over you

It sucks when all you want to do is get to the end
Like a really bad movie you dont want to subject yourself to
Tried so hard to understand the meaning of my existence but it was shattered
The very person I've trusted my soul to has broken it down over and over again. Idk when or if I'll ever get back to where i was
Damn sure dont have the real support i need
So who knows
Maybe in the next life they'll let me be fre9
Til then i guess I'll just fade away in the wind...with no date of retur n

Like...wtf

Not understanding why I have to get shit from all sides. All I did was say what was on my brain. In my heart. But that apparently I must keep inside. Idk whether I'm coming or going. Trying to find a way back to myself and motherfuckers keep trying my fucking patience. Like wtf is the problem? Wtf can't I have my emotions as well as understand points on both sides? As if to say it is fucking rocket science. IT'S NOT, FUCKING DICKHEAD!  IT'S CALLED BEING HUMAN! I am constantly reminded of how much of a fuck up I am but yet I press thru in the meanwhile.  Nothing much more than that I can do. Once again what I deal with has been diminished to nothing....

So long...

After all this time
U still don't understand
You had the answer
In the palm of your hand
There laid my heart
Beating helplessly
Nothing could be said
To ease the pain
I did all I could
But it wasn't enough
Through tears I said my goodbye
But it fell on your deaf ears

We'll never know

All that remains is this pen
Not one family, not one friend
No more needing to pretend
That I didn't see the end

One life is all I got
So I thought  I'd give it a shot
But my lay up wasn't so hot
Believe it or not

Silly me to assume
That I knew why your roses didn't bloom
Like a bride with no groom
You have self inflicted doom

Thoughts steady racing
Feet steady pacing
What is this I'm facing

Pain

Could this be
Is this really my reality
Everything I hoped for
The one thing I'd truly adore
Ripped right from under me
This is insanity
So many times I've cried
They never have time to dry
The pain of loss is too grand
My smile hangs by a strand
So afraid of trying again
But something inside says this isn't the end
My only option is to pray for healing
To put to rest this terrible feeling

Black Lives Matter, Don't They?

Why aren't we trying
When all we r doing is dying
The media is lying
We no longer surviving

United we stand, Divided we fall
They take away our freedom so how can we stand tall
Our backs are against the wall
Have we not before seen it all

This pain is lethal
They killing our people
Fuck the bull we not equal
Shit feels like a sequel

Martin Malcolm and Marcus are gone
Since then shit has gone wrong
They knew how to solidify our bond
Can we bring em back with a magical wand

How many more have to suffer
This is what I wonder
Can't take it any longer
Lord please make our presence stronger

On the news everyday
Another black life taken away
Never to see another light of day
Black Lives Matter,  Don't They?

Caving in

Feeling more depressed everyday
I'd give anything to make things different
But I refuse to sell my soul
Everyday I smoke but it isn't doing anything for me anymore
It's like, why am I wasting my time
I tried all I could to keep it together
But I feel like I'm losing my grip
I no longer find joy in things
My life feels like it is falling apart at the seams
And the worst part of it is not knowing when I'll cave in