Lemme break it down real quick..

It seems to me there are insecurities

In the way you feel

But it doesn't give you excuse

To play the victim and not consider being real

Most of what you say goes in circles

And at this point you continue to create your own hurdles

No use in sitting around like an empty shell

No turtle

For every turn of your life, you claim someone wronged you in spite

But you refuse to see times when you were flat out wrong and others were right

As any friend would do, your cries have been heard

But at some point a bitch has to draw the line when you don't hear a single word

You think you got things all figured out

While your soul hangs in the balance of time

But you really pushing folks to want to commit a crime

CAUSE YOU DON'T LISTEN!!!!!

Grown is an understatement.

Respect the truth...

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Random Thought

When people look at me as if I have two heads when I speak, I laugh. The language of realness is spoken by many, but only understood by few. Each day I strive to be better than I was yesterday. For others, they work on ways to discourage you and bring you down. Those fockers, I refuse to be around. For too long I've taken the emotional abuse of fakers, never giving, always wanting to be takers. In this life we only get one shot. I'm determined to get that #1 spot. Not in this world, but the next...#DUECES BITCHES!!!

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Giving your pearls to pigs

Didn't your mama ever tell you not to give your pearls to pigs?
These little boys promise you anything and you give them the world
Forgive them Father for they know not what they do
They continue to bite of more than they can chew.
Many a night I've seen em out on the street,
Waiting for a john to roll by so they can get something to eat.
They started somewhere you know
And at some point, things started to grow
They started believing the media showing us in nothing but ghettos
They direct movies that always shows us as slaves
Displaying what is viewed to most as a gangsta's genocide
I try to keep hope alive in the midst
Realize who you are little girls and grown women
YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD!
As such stop diminishing yourselves to the image of which the devil intends you to be
Realize your place in this life, your destiny in this world and fullfill it!
Ever wonder how this world would be if it went as it was intended.....?

Lovin you, lovin you...so many ways, all of my days are spent lovin you. Like sweet mocha on my lips, you've got me wrapped up in your juices...

You got me speechless baby *BONUS READ*

Something seemed different coming home from work this evening. All I could think about was getting back into my cozy spot in bed next to you. I walked in, the lights were dim, Sade sang sweet harmonic melodies throughout the four walls, and there it was. I put down my purse, threw off my jacket and sat down. Ah, what a long day! Do this, do that, copy this, did you call Janice? So glad to be back in serene territory. I picked up the fresh rose laying beside me on the couch, glancing twice at the new teddy laid out underneath. He sure knows a lady's taste, I thought, as I took in the sweet aroma of each pedal. I opened the note attached to the rose and it instructed me to unwind....

I noticed petals dumped on the floor trailing into the hallway and thought, did he forget he dropped these? After picking up about ten, I started to follow the trail all the way into the bathroom and I stopped in ahh. A rose pedal bath smelling of pomegranate and jasmine. mmm. I took my clothes off and slowly got into the water...

I glanced at the clock and decided to get out, put on some Johnson Johnson, and see how that new teddy fit these caribbean curves. The fabric was so smooth, it excited the hairs on my skin. I let my hair down and glanced over to another note, this time on the bed. I layed across the fresh set and began to read it, oh how you have a way with words...

Every word you wrote had me wanting more. Describing all the ways you love to love me...mmmm you just don't know. Every pen stroke so precise. It took me a minute to realize that at the bottom of the letter you told me to look in the closet. Why do all this and not even be home, I thought. I opened the closet doors and there you were....."Will you marry me?" As you slipped the ring on my finger, I quickly fell into a trance and into your arms......
speechless baby

NO CAPS....*Bonus Read*

sometimes this feels like tug of war

both of us fighting to get through that door

the days of spontaneous laughter and pillow talk are suddenly no more

i know that in the present moment, everything seems to be spiraling out of control

but you are still the one that makes me whole

i understand what pressures you face being who you are

you are the best everything I have ever had by far

i still feel like you are the one for me

wrapped in your strong arms is where i always envision to be

love goes by what you feel, never by what you see

my heart has no price, for you it is always free

people say that you cannot have expections of another

but you are not just that, you are my lover

i want nothing more than to finally say those words

to feel let loose, free as the birds

all i ask is that you understand my train of thought

i am not the kind of person who desires to be bought

clearly material things are not an issue

or i wouldve gone long ago and left you some tissue

so when you start to feel like im a nag, just remember

the choices we made on that fine day in december

i am now and forever devoted to you

just wishing you would stick to what you say, and do what you do

you make me feel like im askin too much

like i should just take it, suck it up and hush

i thought i was doin right by always communicating, being real

but im starting to think that is not how you feel

instead of looking at me with a blank face

i wish you would say something in this forsaken space

doubting yourself is what got you here today

how long do you plan to live this way?

why is it that i can't talk to you?

im comin to you raw....no caps

Who the hell is Bea?!?!?

I was born early on May 28th, 1985 inside Brigham and Women's hospital to Yvonne Binns Knight and Milton Edward Daley. Two Jamaicans who came to this country for what I assume to be a better life. In contrast, for blacks in America, it wasn't that much better back then, but that's neither here nor there. I appreciate them for taking that risk and making that sacrifice so that I could have a better opportunity as a child. My mom I must give much props to. She dealt with a lot being a single mother that I will never understand. I raised hell. She bitched. Everything went back to normal. Every time. I think she just worked so hard that she just figured I would figure out how to be a woman eventually and slow down. As an adult, we now have a much better relationship, and through our thirst for Christ, are a better mother-daughter team than ever before! I thank God for her....

I was always a daddy's girl...up until I first witnessed him cheating on his first wife. I was crushed. I know now that not all relationships are perfect, and when someone feels like they are lacking something, they search elsewhere. It's human nature a lot of times. Not that is is right, but it happens. My dad has always made sure to be in our lives and it is something I can say now that I thank God for. He is cooler now to me than when I was younger, I will say that. Because of his choices, we fought a lot. But now, looking back, I feel blessed that I knew my father and he knew me. A lot of different moods, phrases I say, even the way I laugh, reminds me of him. I love my daddy!!!

I lived in the burbs in Randolph and Framingham. I also lived in Jamaica for some time. I fought through sexual and emotional abuse as a child, as a result I tend to have anger issues from time to time, but who doesn't? I have four brothers, two sisters, two nephews and two nieces I love to life! I tell a lot of jokes. I think I get that from my dad. Singing as well. I had a record deal with an independent label when I was 15. I think I missed out on a lot of opportunities because my parents were more focused on work and their personal life than the interest of us. I was dropped a year later due to skipping school and not keeping up my grades, which was part of the deal. I find myself now trying to reinvent myself musically. Making the music take on a new meaning in my life in regards to expression. When you listen to my tracks, I want you to see, feel, and live what I breathe. Deep right? I get that way sometimes. I have grown from De-lay to Montego Blu. From R&B to Neo Soul. I am also exploring some alter egos....Rawbecca Redd for starters ;)

I have lost a few fmily members throughout my lifetime, but nothing hurt me more than losing my brother Shain to a drunk driver Dec 31, 2005. He and I fought a lot growing up, but he was always my pal. He was always there for me when I needed him; when no one else could be there. I remember how left out he seemed to feel because of having to adopt my father as his own. He seemed so much to want to know his own father, but never actually expressed it. I miss him so much that it hurts me to talk about it a lot of times. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I had the displeasure of having to identify his body, plan his funeral, and sing at his homegoing service. This affected my faith for a long time after that, but I now understand that God had a greater purpose for taking him and everytime I mourn him, God hears me and comforts my heart. I WILL see him again one day. I will always be his sister and he will always be my brother. I miss you!!!

Due to my brother's passing, I moved from Boston to Virginia just after my 21st birthday. I went through an unhealthy relationship with a high school ex and during that time met the man of my dreams, the one who I was destined to spend my life with. I now value myself as a significant part of my family with my soon to be husband Jeremy. He has been such a blessing in my life that words just cannot simplify my gratitude to God for making this a reality. Jeremy has turned out to be everything I have always hoped my husband would be. I am so excited to be marrying him soon. He tells me all the time how much he loves me, how beautiful I am, how he cherishes me...and it feels so good! After all the storms I have been through, God loved me enough to ordain someone to be in my life to love me like Jesus loved the church. There's nothing more that I could ask for. Material things mean nothing to me compared to his love. We have had beautiful homes and have been homeless, but our love has never staggered. It's been four years and I am still very much in love and in awe at how this awesome man of God loves, cares, and nurtures me!

 This is who I am. Roberta Maureen Daley Earvin aka Bea....

What is it you value most in a relationship? Why?

A few relationships ago, this question would have been difficult. Lucky for me, I am with an amazing man of God that I wouldn't give up for anything. He was ordained for me and for that I am always thankful. What I most value in this relationship is the fact that we are honest with one another. I don't think that after four years I would still be GENUINELY happy. By no means will I say that he is perfect, but he does the best he can to be who God made him to be. There's nothing better than that. One day we were talking, and after dealing with people we loved who lied to us all the time, we just decided that honesty would be the main thing we would uphold. When he speaks to me, I look deep in his eyes, he looks deep in mine, and I know that no matter what he says, I don't have to second guess a thing.

Why do I value this? I value it because I know what it is like to give someone your all, and their all is full of lies. For instance, in my last relationship, he lied so much that I had to get the password for the phone, myspace, facebook, blackplanet, college email, all that! I always told him that I would know he was lying, but he would swear on his mom and grandmother's grave (who are not dead, mind you) and when he was caught out there, he would turn it around on me in some form or fashion and all of a sudden I was the culprit, aint that some ish? After three years of lies, abuse, and bullish, I was all set. The first guy that I was engaged told me once that he has six months to live. I started balling my eyes out. I loved this man! I couldn't fathom him dying. Being in an honest relationship certainly keeps other from getting in the way. If you know your man to be a liar, any girl can come up to you and say she is sleeping with him....even if she isn't. Women are a force to be reckoned with when they want your man. Just a year and a half ago, this girl was so trying to get my fiance that she tried to run me over with her car after he AND myself told her what the deal was for real.

If honesty was not an option, I would choose time. I value the time spent with him so much. After losing those close to you, you learn to appreciate the time spent with others more. Whether it's to share a laugh, cry, curse, whatever.

Lost in Transgressions *Bonus Read*

These days, it seems so hard to fight off the sins learned about in Sunday School

The devil does not discriminate, he will attack, using us as his vessel, making us his fool

When starting on this spiritual journey, we already tell ourselves we cannot do it without even knowing

Forgetting that God says He will bring us through it, He will assist with our spiritual growing

Your family starts looking at you like you bumped your head

Even your "friends" will criticize you for giving the homeless some bread

Slowly He begins to work on you, peeling off the sins of your past

Others set high expectations of you, thinking you're supposed to change fast

You start to feel like no one can understand

What it takes to truly be saved, to be at His command

We have this picture of what saved is supposed to look like

They think it's easy, like riding a bike

I'm here to tell you this is not he case

Cuz sometimes being saved, you will wish you could erase

There were times when I wanted to just end my life

Cuz it seemed like I was dealing with more and more strife

I lost my car, my home, my sense of stability

When all the while He was setting me free

Days went by when I had no food or a place to sleep

I would pray the Lord, my soul to keep

My own family couldnt understand that I was placed in that situation for a reason

They chastised, criticized and scolded me for a season

10 friends became 5, 5 became 2

What was in store for me, only God knew

The Bible says to not trust in Man, but Him alone

I know that now more than ever before, for I have spiritually been able to grow

This walk is not steady, it's likely you will stumble

Without the right frame of mind, you can surely crumble

He will show you a new way of thinking, like never before

It will make you take interest in things that were once a bore

I am more grateful now for things as they seem to be

For I was once lost in my transgressions, but am now set free!

Thank you Lord for promising to always carry me!

Who am I, Who are you?

Who am I?

Funny you ask. You should know who I am. Many would call me an angry black woman and say I am nothing but trouble. Many would try to convince you that I have no education because I come from parents who didn't go to high school or because I’ve been to college a few times. Some may regard me as an alien (illegal or extra-terrestrial) depending on the time of day just because my culture is not American. The girl who stood alone amongst all the straight hair girls with nappy hair and chubby cheeks in grade school. Always the "best" friend, never "girl" friend. Some will say, "Who, her? Oh, she used to be down back in the day....". Some still refer to me as a nigger in the middle of traffic on a sunny day. Many names, so many years of being told that because of my looks, I would never get noticed. I would never be the prettiest girl. I could jump off a bridge and nobody would care.The girl who was always violated, abused, and labeled. Sending me into a spiral of confusion. Feeling like the world was against me. No one to love me, to hold me, to console me.

Who am I?

I am who I have become.  After all the cuts, pills, tears and heartaches, I stand tall. I found how to love myself, TRULY love myself, and then he found me. I am a girl that loves being in love. The girl who counts the stars in the sky at night with her king by her side. The girl who still goes through the storm, but now dances in the rain. The one who has faith that through God, she can move mountains. Someone who wants to see the people in her neighborhood healed of the violent disease that plagues them without them even knowing it. Someone who is willing to always stand up for what is right, who demands her voice to be heard, and will not back down to adversity. Someone who took all the pain she has endured in life, and making her future what God naturally designed it to be. I am me, exalted.

Who are you?

You tell me….all I see is a face.